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Back Before I Found My New Name

by chamomile

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q.m.
q.m. thumbnail
q.m. catchy, lovely, brooding, like a long summer day — i love it, i love it!! Favorite track: Apple Pie.
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1.
fret 1 em-em-c-g x2 c-g-c-g g-c-d-em… (last verse finish on G) In the winter, in the dark I lay down my broken heart Locked it up and bound it tight To protect it from the night Pictured summer fields of grain To relieve the aches and pains But the hole inside my chest won’t let me rest In the morning, in the light I can hardly stand the sight Wiping sleep out of my eyes Under bleak and cloudy skies Working hard for change to spend Wondering will my troubles end But the bills are due and the rent is too When the weekend rolls around I can finally hit the town Play my songs and see my friends Sing along and try to mend Broken pieces of my mind Memories that treat me kind But nothing works for long, something’s still wrong Maybe it’s wanderlust Maybe I need someone to trust Maybe my diet’s bad Maybe I’m just going mad Guess these chains around my heart Just made things heavy, slow, and hard Hope summer fields come back to set me free
2.
Apple Pie 03:27
Capo 6 Am I attracted to you D Or do I just wanna be you Bm It isn't very see through Em What I want at all G-A I can't believe that you do All the things that you do You look so fuckin good dude Maybe give me a call And we can be friends, friends, friends, Bm Or maybe something more, more, more F# I just need to talk to someone now G I just need to find out what I'm here for A So take a bite D of this apple pie Em or Bm? And look into G or Em? my bright blue eyes A There's a whole world waiting For the two of us To take tonight And if you don't believe it That's okay because neither do I But I do think we're gonna be alright Em-A-D Are you attracted to me? D Cause I don't wanna be me Bm I'm not very comfy Em In my skin at all G-A But if you could see What I can see About us being we Maybe we could fall In love, love, love Bm Wouldn't that be nice, nice, nice F# We could be there for each other G It would be a whole new life A So take a chance D on cancelled plans Em And bubble tea G and moonlight dance A There's a whole world waiting For something good to come from human hands And if you don't believe it That's okay because I understand And I still think that we should try again Em-A-D D-Bm-Em-A x4 Take a bite, baby Try me, baby With a scoop of ice cream, baby Cause you know it feels right, baby x2 Fade out (ADD A [5th fret, high E] on D chords)...
3.
Quarantine 03:36
Capo 8... lol Here at home again G-C-Em-D When will I grow older? It's a part that they Forgot to mention Put together all these minutes Little moments wondering What to do when I lose focus Will I always wander Am I always wandering? G-C-Em-D Now I'm stuck inside C-D-G and stuck in my own head I'm stuck in life and thinking more of death The wreckage from another life and time C-D-G-Em taking up my storage I was filling up that space just fine myself Am-D Here at home again G-C-Em-D Pour a glass of water We'll support the body it can sort the laundry I collect these seconds put them in a song to sing Why am I still tired? Will I always wander? Am I always wandering? Caught in a sequence C-D-G always looking for an ending when the ending means beginning all the same Despite experience, I'm really not much wiser C-D-G I just get a bit more tired every day Em I've been tired for so long Am-D Here at home again G-C-Em-D It's quarantuesday Really didn't need extra isolation I spend too much time alone Lying in my head already waiting for the coming moment do i always wander? Am I always wandering? Am I always wandering? Am I always wandering? Am I always wandering?
4.
Shiver 04:03
Capo 2 Lay awake E Something's on your mind Am What's the time? F# A Today was great E But now I'm thinking Am of a chance, a glance, a sign F# Is this still right? A Blue E is a whisper F# Sandy shoes A and champagne shivers B Sent to you E Someone who F# deserves the truth A to be delivered B I went through E this kind of love before F# But this one A happened quicker B So you can choose E me when you're ready F# and lover, soothe A a heart so heavy B I want you E But I can't tell how bad Am F# A Can I follow through? E will I make the same mistakes this time? Am Should I even ask? F# A Pink is a silence before whispers break the quiet in a blink it begins to spin the air to reach the highest I was in this kind of mind before but scared to even try it So please treat E each other gently F# and lover, sweet A will be our memory B Am-E
5.
Goodbye July 03:40
Fret 6 Goodbye July C-D It was nice to get to know ya G Hello early moons C-D Rainy days and soggy shoes G-Em Maybe someday C-D I'll fly south, away from winter G-D-Em But for now C I'm stuck here singing the blues D-G G-G-G-C- I am a solar being I get my power from the sun And when the sun retires I lay and wait till morning comes Look over the horizon And tell me what you see The days are growing shorter As autumn takes the sun from me Goodbye July C-D It was nice to get to know ya G Hello early moons C-D Rainy days and soggy shoes G-Em Maybe someday C-D I'll fly south, away from winter G-D-Em But for now C I'm stuck here singing the blues D-G Em-C-G x3 Am Bm Am-C-D Goodbye July C-D It was nice to get to know ya G Hello early moons C-D Rainy days and soggy shoes G-Em Maybe someday C-D I'll fly south, away from winter G-D-Em But for now C I'm stuck here singing the blues D-G Yes for now CaddG I'm stuck here singin DaddG (sus4) Stuck in mud CaddG I'm sure to sink in DaddG(sus4) fade out
6.
world stop 02:15
fret 4 When does the world stop? C-D I gotta be G C If it's a journey, C-D what do we reach? G C-D Do we rest a little on the other side... Em-C Ayayaaaaaade D-G G-C-G-C-G-D-G When does the world stop? I gotta pee Hold every breath Like I forgot to breathe Will I find a way to find the peace inside? Em-C Ayayaaa D G-C-G-D-G-C-G I need breaks sometimes Em-C-G-D Or far too often This is all a lot and Never seems like stoppin I've been lost and felt like nobody was watchin and I can't let 'em cause they just keep going on and on and on and on and on and... (plucked solo. most emo song i ever wrote) When do I wake up C-D in the sunshine? G C When do I lay down C-D Feeling alright G C-D Searching for the day D when it'll be alright, okay C and then we turn the earth on to the other side Em-C-D G-C-G-C-G-D-G
7.
Hey girl 03:12
Fret 4 Hey girl, G I know you're there A I've been waiting D I can feel it in the air Bm And I know Em You're somewhere close A This time maybe D We won't be all on our own Bm Cut the lights Em Let's stop the show A Cause the thought D Of not quite feeling right Bm Is all I seem to know Em-A Oh, ooo-ouha-oh G Oh wouh-oh A Oh oh oh G Woah-oh oh A Hey, girl G Get up and move A I've been thinking D And I can't see what to do Bm But I know Em We've got to go A Stop from sinking D Time to live a life you chose Bm Raise the lights Em Pull on some clothes A Cause the vison of D Who you could be Bm Can start to feel like home Em-A Oh, ooo-ouha-oh G Oh wouh-oh A Oh oh oh G Woah-oh oh A Now remember G You'll always have a friend C In me G Sometimes distant from the harbor Em But just call my name, C And I'll set sail G Across the wine-dark sea Bm-Asus4 Know that I am here Em For you G And if C you have the patience G To wait for one like me Bm-Asus4 Hey girl, G We'll get by A Step by step D Line by line Bm And I know Em How long the road A Not travelled yet D Seems to have so far to go Bm Face the light Em You too can grow A Cause where you find D the thorns Bm Is where you also find the rose Em-A Oh, ooo-ouha-oh G Oh wouh-oh A Oh oh oh G Woah-oh oh Asus4
8.
Reassessment 02:27
Fret 2 F Take a step back, reassess life CaddG-F-C Your feelings today, your loves Am-C-G And your likes C Take a step back, close all the doors We'll open em soon, but for now It's all yours Patience F We'll make progress C Start from the center Am-C Remember your feelings are harmless F-G-C Start from the center, Am-C remember your body is harmless F-G-C Take a step back, find your connections What holds your soul and your body together Take a step back, isolate growth It's not always given, it's not always owed It's a process Keep that patience Time is the guide It's a ride we don't know where it's taking us Time is a river We float and we swim But it's taking us Take a deep breath, center the mind If something comes, hold it, then let it go by Take a deep breath, do it again It's time to release, it's time to begin Patience You can do this You've been through worse undeserved but these words got you through it You've been through worse, and it hurt, but then you still got through it Take a step back, reassess life Your feelings today, your loves And your likes
9.
Rearranging 02:05
G-D-Em-C fret 8 I am not the same person I was (single strums) I'm rearranging Redefining what it is that I love What I'm about I put the hard work in Took the pain and laid it open I am not the same person I was I'm rearranging I became something I was not (palm mute, x2 strums) Back in the old days Broke a part off, glued on something else It didn't fit quite right But better, so I thought I was mistaken, now the pieces coming off I'm rearranging I am not the same person I was We talked about it We connected, I remembered the love Was always there Pulled away from fear Now let it in, like holy water I am not the same person I was I'm rearranging Every moment (single strum, Em, C, G, D ) is the ending of another time It doesn't stop for when you're feeling all down inside, but hark, oh, coming is the you You always knew was right there, C around the corner! D I am not the same person I was Back to G, D, Em, C I'm rearranging Redefining what it is that I love What I'm about I put the hard work in Took the pain and laid it open I am not the same person I was I'm rearranging I am not the same person I am not the same person I am not the same person I am not the same person I was
10.
Friend 01:54
Fret 1 Seven days a week G I know I'm mostly on my own G And there's silence in my corner C Frost inside my bones D I don't know myself G I know the world much less G It's hard to make connections C Through the fog of consciousness Am-D I am feeble, mind and body G Limited by time G Haunted with distractions C Mountains yet to climb D But if you need me G Make the call G I grow stronger Am When it's you who needs someone to come and catch them when they fall Em-G-C-D I'll be there G We'll make it through G We'll be together in the end C Because, my friend D I love you G

about

The first half of this album was conceptualized and written before I knew I was trans, and the second half as I was figuring out my new identity and what it would mean for me.

Most of the songs were written as letters to myself. They were a place to express emotion when I felt I had no other place to do so. Depression, confusion, shame, dysphoria, dissociation... and the resilient promise of future self-love.

credits

released October 23, 2020

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chamomile Seattle, Washington

she/her
hi, my name is Camille :) I am a nonbinary trans girl & artist from Seattle, WA.

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